What Would Edith Wharton Say?

Dearest Edith,

I am writing to inform you that formal living rooms are no longer in fashion. Well, at least in the 21st century. Well, at least at my house. And, perhaps a few million other people.

A formal living room that Edith would certainly have enjoyed.

Please don't faint when I tell you that the living room, formally known as the parlour, has far too often become a large box devoid of all architectural detail,  fireplaces and appropriate furnishings. Well at least (no fireplace) at my house. And, perhaps a few million other people.



I have read your book, like any decorator should, cover to cover.

It's incredibly sad. And incredibly liberating! You would be quite shocked to learn that people rarely dress up and entertain in the living room except perhaps during the holiday season. I must confess I often wear pants or jeans, a silk blouse and heels while entertaining. I know you don't know what jeans are and that's just as well. If you did, you would likely gasp. Pants are like men's trousers, but for women. With the exception of hiring the occasional caterer, I do all the cooking for parties. I have no servants. People often gather in the family room (which should really be called the living room because it's where we do most of our activities), libraries and kitchens. Probably because of the lack of servants. Well at least at my house. And, perhaps a few million other people.

Classic yet modern in it's multi-purpose function of working, dining and whining. I love the idea for this space, but I would whine without at least two comfortable chairs next to a fireplace to enjoy my favorite bottle and a good book!

Even though I have a library, it has been my dream for far too long to convert our seldom used living room into a large library/office. The current library is small does not have adequate bookshelves, but it is a wonderfully cozy room with a fireplace and a large window overlooking the backyard and we use it in every season,  every day. It's probably my favorite room. I love to shut the french doors read, listen to music, enjoy my favorite elixirs and even work. A larger library would better suit our particular lifestyle. I don't know if we'll have the chance to fulfill our dream of converting the living room in this house, but it's high on the list for the next one! I think you (and hope architects of the future) understand this preference and shift and would be proud that we (decorators) will strive to include appropriate architectural details and volumes of books.  And of course only a few, well chosen biblots and most definitely keep the bric-a-brac to a minimum!

Affectionately,
A devoted reader

PS: I do understand that not everyone would agree with me on this point. And I have seen and been a guest in some beautiful, well appointed living rooms that the occupants use for formal entertaining. And although it's not for me, as I prefer a room that serves more than one function, I still appreciate the beauty when I sit in one that is well done and love to help clients create one if it's part of their design dream and lifestyle. After all, life unfolds in the rooms we use and love the most. It's where our memories are made and the details of our stories are gathered for future generations. I know dearest Edith, you would approve of that sentiment.

2014. What's In/What's Out?

Every year the Washington Post publishes it's Out/In List. And,  just like every new year I read it along with Dave Barry's year in review. The DB article is a cynical, albeit mostly true, synopsis of what each month had to offer in world events, politics and people that captured our attention for better or worse. Mostly the latter.  It is always so damn funny. The out/in list is an entirely different read,  almost like the pulse of current pop culture and trends.  I am always surprised by the things that I've never heard of and the things that don't make the list. So this year I felt compelled to come up with a list of my own!

                                                               

OUT                                                               IN
weird pet pictures                                           silly pet pictures                  

Wiener, Spitzer, Ford                                     anybody else

fiscal cliff                                                       bankruptcy
parking spots for expecting mothers              parking spots for actual handicapped people                
loud talkers                                                    discreet talkers  
over sharing                                                   restraint
trellis patterns                                                 velvet solids
neon colors                                                     jewel tones
skinny jeans                                                    long skirts
scarves in summer                                          scarves in winter
gloves                                                             long gloves
bulky coats                                                     car coats and capes
Dexter                                                            Downtown Abbey
20 something know-it-alls                              50 somethings who know more, but don't over share
yearly trends                                                  classics
chemically aged or faux brass                       naturally aged solid brass and french brass
succulents                                                      topiaries
cupcakes                                                        muffins
dinner parties                                                 supper clubs
texting to talk                                                 actual phone conversations
air kissing                                                       real kissing
bromance                                                       drinking buddy
baby bump                                                     pregnant
my bad                                                           oops
people who think they're interesting              people who live lives beyond social media
big egos                                                          graciousness
wonderful, fabulous                                       the truth
smart phones as security blankets                   confidence
politicians on late night                                  dignified leaders
whatever                                                        witty quips
back scratchers                                               scalp massagers
antlers on cars                                                wreaths on car grills
inflatable holiday decor                                  wreaths on windows,  lights that work
stretchy dog leashes                                       standard leads controlled by considerate dog owners
ugly Christmas sweaters/theme parties           adults acting like adults                                        
public marriage proposals                              dignified private proposals
saying what you think you should say           having an opinion

And on that note, I'd love to hear your opinions of what you think should be on the list!

Please Say Hello To My New Design Assistant, D.D.

Hi everyone, this is my new design assistant D.D. First name Dammit, last name Doll. She was introduced to me yesterday by a client. My most challenging client- ever. We just wrapped a 14 month project last week.

This is D.D. and according to her resume,
she is willing to take anything me or my clients can dish out!

There were head banging days. There were days when I wanted to pull my hair out- and the client's too! I have never worked harder and longer on any project. But, I'm happy to say all has ended well and the results are really beautiful, the clients are thrilled and I am so proud of the work.


Flowers for the photo shoot.

 I'm still exhaused from the 3 day installation and photo shoot, but look forward to sharing some photos with you all soon and to getting back in the saddle with blogging.

So much photography equipment! Sorry for the blurry picture, it's from my i-phone.
 This is the back of one of the sofas with it's beautiful velvet band and nailhead detail.


On a side note, I wanted to pass along a huge thank you to everyone who commented on the Blogger SPAM issues from the previous post- I think everyone's candidness was so beneficial to all, especially me!

Help! What to do about...

I'm drowning in SPAM. With my blog postings more infrequent, it seems the the amount of SPAM is on the rise.

My first year of blogging, a fellow blogger told me to put comments on a 3 day moderation cycle. Since I allow anonymous comments, this worked like a charm, until lately.

Now I get so much SPAM dumped in my in box everyday. It can be as many as 70 comments a week to the point unless I recognize the name, I usually have no choice but to delete it from my blog and my email. As a result, I've put some emails in the SPAM folder that were important. Oh, there's lots of variety to choose from, much of it down right weird and creepy. Unfortunately, I've dumped some legitimate emails- and for that, I apologize!

So do I stop taking anonymous comments, moderate comments daily, or add the word verification- which I know drives everyone nuts, me included? I need some advice and are any of you experiencing the same thing?


HELP!!!

Dangerous Dog Toys: An Urgent Warning To Dog Owners!!!

If you read my last post, you know that our beloved dog, Remy,  is recovering from surgery. On Wednesday, from something completely unrelated, I thought she may die. Remy and my daughter were visiting at a neighbor's house when I got a call saying she swallowed 2 squeakers from a dog toy.

Choking hazard due to the flatness, silky smooth faux fur and squeakers located in the head and tail. This toy was purchased at Harris Teeter, which is where I went to take this photo,  but likely available at other retailers.

I rushed her to the vet and the x-ray showed a mass, which was thought to be food and/or shredded and chewed parts of the toy and the 2 squeakers.  After 2 failed attempts to induce vomiting to bring up whatever was in her stomach, I was told she could be sedated and have a tube and camera inserted down her throat to try and locate/remove what was in it, but depending on what else was in the stomach there was no guarantee of success.

My dogs stomach with mystery mass and 2 squeakers.

The recommendation of our vet after consulting 2 other vets and a specialist was to take her home, monitor her breathing and bring her back first thing Thursday morning to see if a new x-ray yielded any change before admitting her to surgery to open her stomach and remove the objects.

Needless to say it was a sleepless night and thank god, because sometime after 2am I heard her vomiting. The pile left on the laundry room floor was so large, it could have been elephant dropping.

Warning: the next two pictures are incredibly gross.

I really had no idea what I was looking at or if the squeakers were in this- no choice but to put on gloves and and go through the mess.

The contents of my dogs stomach.

I was in complete shock when I realized my dog had swallowed the toy whole and it was the length of a cookie sheet!

The whole toy and some carrots.

The vet was equally surprised when I showed up with the contents in a bag- there was clapping and cheering literally from everyone on duty the night before. She said we truly dodged a bullet because rarely will a dog vomit 6 hours later with no food or  injection administered. This toy would be the human equivalent of mixing chewing gum and spaghetti together and giving it to a child!

Lady Remington, aka Remy, exhausted, but on the mend. 

I share all of this with you so that others can avoid going through such a scary ordeal. Our vets office is also posting warnings in their office.

I'm hoping February brings a whole lot of this:

Dear Santa, please define naughty?

Children have a very clear understanding what defines naughty and nice. In their minds, if they can't recall refusing to eat their vegetables,  putting their toys away, pulling the cats tail or hitting their younger sibling during the past week- well then, they were nice.

My beautiful daughter, once she got over her fear of Santa!

Even pets know when they are naughty. They look guilty.

This picture was taken 2 years ago just before my son's winter break his first year of college. He called to say how much he was looking forward to coming home for Christmas and sleep in his own bed. Being the loving parents that we are, we sent this picture to him saying we gave his room to the dog.

For adults there is clarity lacking on just what constitutes nice.

Dear Adults,
Santa has two simple words for you this season. MANNER UP! If you do not want to be on the naughty list,  here is what the man in red said:

5.) If you are taking the kids to see Santa and you have a screamer, there are just 2 choices. Leave immediately so the next 5 kids in line don't become screamers or sit with your kids on Santa's lap no matter how humiliating you find it. No, there is not a third option- regardless of how long you waited in line.


Yes, that's me sitting on Santa's lap with the my two little acorns- December 1996.
 If it looks like I'm constraining my daughter, I am. A moment later she started to cry and wiggled out of my grip and into the arms of her father. My son has never been afraid of Santa. You may have noticed his little booklet that he pasted all the toys he liked that year! Santa knew a problem when he saw it and suggested I come sit with them. I can still remember thinking how silly I felt. But it got my daughter over her fear and my husband still carries this photo in his wallet all these years later.

4.) There are restaurants for families and there are restaurants for adults. Know the difference. And, if for some reason you don't and sense that maybe a particular establishment is not kid friendly, go with your gut instinct, move out and move on to plan B. Please don't ruin everyone's night out just because you couldn't figure out yours. Oh, and there are restaurants for sick people, especially those who are coughing and hacking up god knows what-  it's called your house!

3.) Do not take a parking space you can see that someone is already waiting for.  If you can shop, you can walk from another space farther away. Same with you space stalkers, if the person hasn't left in a minute,  just find another space instead of backing up traffic and not allowing anyone else to leave because you saw it first! And, the fake handicap parkers, well Santa says he has some reindeer droppings that he needs to unload. Same goes for those of you who insist on backing into a parking space, but don't have the driving skills required.

Don't be the tree, someone may just be feeling a little Grinch-y and run you over.

2.) Santa has a special holiday message for all you loud cell phone talkers. When in a shop or restaurant put your @#$%^&* phones away. If you have an actual emergency there are quieter places like the vestibule or restroom. Or in case no one has told you before now, you really aren't interesting enough for the rest of us to be forced to listen to your conversation. The likely reasons you talk on your phone in public places are probably because you're uncomfortable standing/sitting alone, you're self absorbed or you're simply an ass. No one wants to hear what you just bought for who,  how much you spent, how your day was, what your plans are for the rest of the evening-day-year,  or what looks good on the menu. People like you take the HO-HO-HO out of the Holidays.

Madame, you could do better. Much better. I think I'm going to ask Santa if he can bring me that dress and wallpaper because I'm
certain I've been nice. Well at least this week,  I was home sick coughing and now I have laryngitis!

1.) Don't forget to hold open doors, say please and thank-you, be a good host/hostess and think of others that may be in need.  In general,  just be the most gracious and civilized version of yourself and then maybe...there really will be peace on earth.

A Look Inside The Genius of Gary World

The man behind Gary World

Restoration Hardware Chairman and Co-CEO, Gary Friedman
(Oops! Amend that to former)

There is a new logo. It's called...

Or in blog world, Really? Hardly.

Gary has invented black. Black must be the new Belgian.

I'm upset with Gary,  again.  He's taking credit for inventing black.
Recently I proposed to one of my client's that she ebonize, or at least paint black, some of her existing furniture pieces. She thought I was a genius. I hope she doesn't cancel the date for the furniture refinisher to pick up the pieces next week when she finds out it was not an original idea. And, at least she can now get the dining room chairs I proposed. There is now an alternate choice of stain for the legs. She won't have to settle for faux Belgian. Gary invented that too.

And, according to Gary... 

Words from a genius.



In Gary World, going green means...

The upside to this? Hold the books, all 3 volumes, and step on the scale. Now drop them to the floor.
That's right, you can now wear your skinny jeans and have ice cream. Thanks Gary, you are a genius.

never having to say you're sorry for sending out 5.6 LBS of PEFC-certified forest paper to hundreds of thousands of people.  Afterall, it's only twice per year. And as consumers, we are responsible for stopping it. I mean, requested to ask to be removed from the list of...irresponsible people who get this in the mail.  

Gary's picture had to be cropped this year.
 But only because he had a lot to say, this political season, on the topics of fearlessness
and hopelessness. But to the latter topic, he's optimistic...


But seriously Gary, for my effort to be responsible in both my trip to the curb and time on my computer, couldn't you at least  put on a different shirt and jacket while you mug for the camera? But, if you do buy a new outfit for next years photo, please recycle responsibly and cover a stool with that leather jacket.

What Are Your Design Pet Peeves?

We all have them. Yesterday I picked up a copy of Domino's special edition Spring/Summer 2012 issue. Inside was a section titled " The Catty Corner" listing things decorators do that drive other decorators nuts! This made me laugh, because we all have a list! 

10 bed pillows and no bench at the end of the bed to even pile them on each night!


Here's what they said:

• Too many pillows on a bed.
• Absurd quantities of flowers-a little goes a long way
• Antique sofas-sofas are for sitting.
• Themed rooms-they belong in amusement parks.

Over the years I've collected snippets of what other designers had to say, here's a sampling:

• Candlesticks: "A single one, maybe, or groups of three or more can be nice. But two perfectly placed side by side simply drives me up the wall"-Albert Hadley, NYC
• "Bare lightbulbs" Benjamin Noriega-Ortiz, NYC"
• All-white or all-beige rooms. Who lives in them? Obviously someone who never reads a newspaper" David H. Mitchell, Washington, D.C.
• "Collections of small objects on every surface"Charles Spada, Boston

  

  This is suppose to double as a dining table, seriously.  It looks like a shop display!

I thought this topic would make for a fun and lively discussion! So here's 10 of my design pet peeves:

• Too many pillows on beds and sofa's.
• Too many accessories, especially the discount and/or retail variety. 
• Too much faux fur.
•  Inadequate lighting. 
• Chairs that don't have a table close by to set a drink.
• Fake flowers and plants. And dead plants!
• Tall, dark, heavy pieces of furniture that are poorly placed.
• Kitchen counter clutter.
• Plastic or painted switch plates.
• Decorating with items that are off season or are off geographically. For example: if you don't live at the beach, seashells shouldn't be on display in January and if you do live at the beach, while I don't think you need to decorate "beachy" I wouldn't want to see a room decorated with antlers and fur!

I guess you're suppose to sit on the chairs and just admire the 9 sofa pillows! Too bad they're unattractive.
 Especially the Chewbacca pillow, it looks dirty. At least the rug is stunning.

Designer's and homeowners, time to get catty and chatty, what are your design pet peeves?

I Need A New Computer: MAC vs PC?

Despite concerns, I have not taken the month of March off. Well at least not on purpose.  Much of the blame can be attributed to my PC.

And...the weather. Sorta. I had what appeared to be allergies, which then turned into something else altogether Chest congestion, coughing, blowing my nose by the box. I was averaging a box per day. The kind of sick where you can't stand your own company and absolutely wouldn't dare to inflict yourself on others.  But I did. My daughter got sick too. Mr. A&A has been traveling. Of course. These things only happen when he is gone.

The stupid computer has acquired magic powers. It can now make all sorts of things disappear. That is when it's not shutting down for no apparent reason. I'll probably have to do this post at least twice.  I am an awful sick person and an even worse tech person.

Ever since Apple launched it's AD campaign in the nineties, we've been led to think MAC users are cool and PC users are not.

Recent AD's and cartoons do nothing to dispel this notion, but there is the added implication that age is a factor!




Exhibit A-Women's version.




Exhibit B- Men's version. 

I'm not one to care about such things, but will acknowledge simply from a design point of view, a MAC would probably look much prettier on my desk! That not withstanding, please help me decide???

What was the last computer you bought? Do you love it? Why?

I promise, whichever team you're on, we can still be friends!

Happy, Merry Halthanksmas

Say the title in your very best Eeyore voice. That's right, beginning this year The Grimm Reaper and Santa Claus will now share the holidays together. They will eat turkey. Naturally, Grimm will cut the bird and Santa will pass out candy canes and candy corn. The Pilgrims will be ignored and left to play a quick game of kick the pumpkin before heading over the river and through the woods...to get the tree.


This is one instance when a cookie can not smooth things over. Not even a gingerbread man.

Retail has gone berserk. Last week, I was simply trying to do was a little birthday shopping for Mr. A&A and squeeze in a few errands. Everywhere I went from Home Depot to Pottery Barn to Williams-Sonoma to Lord & Taylor, Christmas was on full display. Right beside Halloween. In most stores, there was absolutely no sign of Thanksgiving. Little did I know, it's designation of being the hump was the least of my concerns.

Pottery Barn had one table with decorations for Christmas and one for Halloween within mere feet of each other. Thanksgiving was on the other side of the store. Williams-Sonoma was setting up Christmas food displays. Home Depot and Lowes had the all their Christmas decorations out including those enormous stupid blow-up thingies. And at Target, well let's just say it was a traumatic experience for me and a little boy.

I pushed my cart to the very back of the store. What for, I can't even remember now.  I came around the corner and wondered if this is what it feels like to be zapped with a taser gun? Halloween was on the left and Christmas was on the right. Thanksgiving was nowhere in sight. Eliminated. There was a woman pushing a little boy  in a cart. He was screaming and crying. It was a frightening sight. No wonder kids are becoming more fearful of sitting on Santa's lap. Clearly, they see dead people.


Do retailers seriously think doing this will increase revenue? It actually makes me want to avoid shopping
altogether which is an awful mindset when the economy is already in such a dismal state.
But this really sucks the joy out of each holiday in my opinion. 

If this wasn't depressing enough, my mind wandered to January...will Cupid and the Easter Bunny exchange eggs and hearts dressed in red, white and blue while waving the flag and building sand castles?

Wonder what we should call that holiday? May I suggest, bullsh*t.

First and last photos courtesy of A&A

Reader Poll: Toss or Chop & Fold or Throw?

There are definite opinions amongst designers, stylists and homeowners about how to arrange accessories, particularly pillows and throws. I am sure many of you have observed these variances while looking through design magazines or books. Last night, I was flipping through Canadian House & Home and they had a tiny article debating the subject.  I too think it's a great debate!  I'd love to hear your opinions and personal preferences. Of course, it's only fair that I go first and share mine. I fall into the toss and fold group.

I toss my toss pillows whether it's on a sofa or a chair. I don't care for the chopped look as reminds of two pointed dog ears. Think German Shepherd!

Tossed



Chopped. Or dog eared. The throw is folded on the sofa back.



Chopped.



Tossed. Note the green throw folded on the bench in the corner.
 This type of loose quick fold is what I can manage daily!



Tossed. Throw folded on the arm of the chair.

My interpretation of a throw is that it is an item you throw around your shoulders while reading, watching television or napping. Not an item to be thrown on sofa or chair. I find it's really not an achievable look for everyday living. It takes effort to actually style it into a thrown/draped look. It's fine for a photo shoot, but for real life it just seems like too much effort and not very authentic.


Thrown. Styled. Arranged. 


In our house, we have a couple of throws in the 3 rooms used for the activities I mention above. And, when someone is done with the throw,  it's usually left in a heap! Occasionally, the person using it folds it. Most often, it's me going from room to room doing a quick fold first thing in the morning (while the coffee is brewing) and putting the various throws on the arms of chairs, the backs of sofas or stacked on an ottoman.

Now it's your turn ! Do you chop or toss your pillows and do you fold or throw your throws?

Note: It only took a few minutes to find pictures in my file labeled Living Rooms to illustrate the options for this friendly debate. Since there was clearly something I like about each of these rooms and/or the designer's work, I've purposefully left out the sources this time as I don't think how they style the pillows or throws is an indication as to whether it's good design or not. The first 2 images and the last one are from retail web-sites.

Oh, Behave!

I can be a bit nutty with list making. I step it up anytime I travel. I have this list that goes on and on of things I must do before departing for fun.  I make lists for my husband and kids of what I think they need to get done too. The act like it's poison when I try to hand it to them.  It doesn't matter if it's 2 days or 2 weeks, I am possessed and powerless to stop myself from being one car ride away from the nut house. Driven (fast) by my husband with the kids in the back seat...smiling.

It seems it is not enough to have on my list the "normal" things to-do such as: laundry, pay bills, stop mail and pack. Nope, I have a whole other list. These are the items that I must do in order to relax and enjoy myself. And, the really twisted thing is that I am fully aware of how unnecessary it probably is that I accomplish these things, but I do it anyway. Every time. No exceptions, including today. I ran around like a nut checking things off my list including: file every last receipt and paper (just in case...), drop off dry cleaning (that nobody is going to wear), have the car serviced (even though we're flying), clean the house (in case someone breaks in, I couldn't live with myself if someone thought I was messy), clean out the fridge (who knows, we may have completely different taste prefrences when we return), hit the bookstore (in case there aren't any where I'm going), get a manicure and pedicure (a true vacation must), make returns (I can not possibly explain why this can't be done when I get back), and one quick purchase (I swear I needed this). I am in a good mood despite the list because I've been crossing things off all week and I'm on schedule to get it all done. Or so I thought.

We all know at least one person, be it friend, co-worker or  family member who thinks they are not allotted the same 24 hours per day as the rest of us, in which to manage their time. Or even worse, they think that their time is far more valuable than ours. We know the traits of this type: selfish, self-centered, unorganized and unapologetic. I personally think these types are huge part of why our society lacks manners and civility.

Today, during my scheduled appointment at the local salon, a women (aka Madame client) came in with her daughter and stated her daughter needed her (long) hair cut and blown dry and that she needed her eyebrows done. Not sure what that entailed. Maybe she doesn't own tweezers? She wanted my technician (one of the owners) to do both procedures.  When she was informed it would be about 10 minutes, she scoffed left and returned exactly 10 minutes later, demanding to be taken. My technician instructed her brother (the other owner) to cut the daughter's hair and the Madame client literally stood over us and waited while my nails were being finished. Madame client talked on her cell phone, loudly, torturing us all with the details of her day.

Why don't people realize that strangers don't want to know what you ate for lunch, what your boss said or what you're doing the rest of the day. It's quite possible the person your talking to doesn't want to know. Why aren't cell phones banned in salons? Aren't salons and spa's suppose to be relaxing? I digress. Oh, the look on Madame client's face when my nail tech made a little smudge and had do one nail over. I looked at Madame client smiled and shrugged as if to to say "see what happens when you don't have an appointment and make people nervous....you wait longer." I paid and left, still in a good mood.

Next up, retail therapy. Well not exactly. I needed to make a return of three items and buy one item. Sounds simple enough right? Nope, I had someone new. After several attempts to do the return, she suggested it may take awhile because she is not exactly sure what to do, but if I wait while she helped her friend she'd figure it out. WTF!? Sure enough,  the woman with an unruly child hovering (what is it with people thinking it's okay to stand 2 inches away from you anyway? Bugs the crap out of me) behind me is the friend. The clerk bends down and starts rummaging through her purse trying to find a 20% off coupon to give her friend. I am not kidding. Then she sees I am holding one, and says "can I use that for her items and then we can do your transaction?" I am not kidding.  I said "Sure, your friend can have my coupon, just as soon as you're done with my transaction that I have been so patient waiting for you to figure out how to do." Are you ready for what comes next? The clerk says, "but that will take longer and she needs to go now." I want to rip her head off so she would shut up and not say another thing that would ruin my good mood and distract me from my list.

Instead, I say "I suggest you call someone over here to help you do my transaction now or I will have to locate the store manager and report your behavior captured on the camera above. In this moment, I think about all the people who desperately need a job and wonder how someone like this has one? She looks up at the camera and then makes a quick call to an associate for directions and was finally able to check me out. I bolted down the isle because now I am feeling a bit behind. And, just when I think it's over...the friend runs up behind me and says "I need your coupon!"  My response? "Sorry, I am running late now and don't have time to search through my purse." I wonder if any of these women will remember to behave next time they find themselves having difficulty managing their time?

Of course, what I really want to know is what weird things you do, dear readers, before you go on vacation? C'mon make me laugh so I can improve my mood...otherwise I may pack something ugly!

All of these lovely ladies were found on Google.