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Sunday, December 9, 2012

Dear Santa, please define naughty?

Children have a very clear understanding what defines naughty and nice. In their minds, if they can't recall refusing to eat their vegetables,  putting their toys away, pulling the cats tail or hitting their younger sibling during the past week- well then, they were nice.
My beautiful daughter, once she got over her fear of Santa!

Even pets know when they are naughty. They look guilty.
This picture was taken 2 years ago just before my son's winter break his first year of college. He called to say how much he was looking forward to coming home for Christmas and sleep in his own bed. Being the loving parents that we are, we sent this picture to him saying we gave his room to the dog.

For adults there is clarity lacking on just what constitutes nice.

Dear Adults,
Santa has two simple words for you this season. MANNER UP! If you do not want to be on the naughty list,  here is what the man in red said:

5.) If you are taking the kids to see Santa and you have a screamer, there are just 2 choices. Leave immediately so the next 5 kids in line don't become screamers or sit with your kids on Santa's lap no matter how humiliating you find it. No, there is not a third option- regardless of how long you waited in line.

Yes, that's me sitting on Santa's lap with the my two little acorns- December 1996.
 If it looks like I'm constraining my daughter, I am. A moment later she started to cry and wiggled out of my grip and into the arms of her father. My son has never been afraid of Santa. You may have noticed his little booklet that he pasted all the toys he liked that year! Santa knew a problem when he saw it and suggested I come sit with them. I can still remember thinking how silly I felt. But it got my daughter over her fear and my husband still carries this photo in his wallet all these years later.

4.) There are restaurants for families and there are restaurants for adults. Know the difference. And, if for some reason you don't and sense that maybe a particular establishment is not kid friendly, go with your gut instinct, move out and move on to plan B. Please don't ruin everyone's night out just because you couldn't figure out yours. Oh, and there are restaurants for sick people, especially those who are coughing and hacking up god knows what-  it's called your house!

3.) Do not take a parking space you can see that someone is already waiting for.  If you can shop, you can walk from another space farther away. Same with you space stalkers, if the person hasn't left in a minute,  just find another space instead of backing up traffic and not allowing anyone else to leave because you saw it first! And, the fake handicap parkers, well Santa says he has some reindeer droppings that he needs to unload. Same goes for those of you who insist on backing into a parking space, but don't have the driving skills required.
Don't be the tree, someone may just be feeling a little Grinch-y and run you over.

2.) Santa has a special holiday message for all you loud cell phone talkers. When in a shop or restaurant put your @#$%^&* phones away. If you have an actual emergency there are quieter places like the vestibule or restroom. Or in case no one has told you before now, you really aren't interesting enough for the rest of us to be forced to listen to your conversation. The likely reasons you talk on your phone in public places are probably because you're uncomfortable standing/sitting alone, you're self absorbed or you're simply an ass. No one wants to hear what you just bought for who,  how much you spent, how your day was, what your plans are for the rest of the evening-day-year,  or what looks good on the menu. People like you take the HO-HO-HO out of the Holidays.
Madame, you could do better. Much better. I think I'm going to ask Santa if he can bring me that dress and wallpaper because I'm
certain I've been nice. Well at least this week,  I was home sick coughing and now I have laryngitis!

1.) Don't forget to hold open doors, say please and thank-you, be a good host/hostess and think of others that may be in need.  In general,  just be the most gracious and civilized version of yourself and then maybe...there really will be peace on earth.


  1. Rebecca- Have I told you lately that I love you? You have just published the very list I have thought to write..and now you did it for me and all of us! GOOD JOB. Of course, we BOTH know that the people that need to read every last word will SKIM it and's okay-the droppings will get them.
    Blessings- Love the pic of you and the kiddos on Santa's lap...and he ain't smiling cuz of the kids-just sayin.....xo Diana

  2. Okay, so, I have not laughed so much today as I did reading this post. You are def on the good list.

  3. This was soooo funny. Thanks for a great laugh at 5:30 in the sure this is going to start my day off right! I couldn't agree more...oh and had a 'parking space grinch" in the form of a grouchy 70 year old man steal my spot and then told me "it was no big deal and to get over it" as he walked away while his wife clearly embarrassed walked up and said 'we really didn't see you"...yea right. At least she had some common sense but we saw who was the decision maker in that relationship:) The holidays can indeed the very worst, grouchiest meanest and least patient/considerate in people....great reminder here. Thank you this was just great! And I think I too have been a good girl....can I please get that wallpaper too?

  4. Love this Rebecca - if only everyone would listen to you!! Wonderful to see your smiling face on this Monday morning as I slowly get in the spirit!!

  5. Rebecca I just love you and your sense of humor, sitting on Santa's lap? PRICELESS! You're gorgeous too! I love the picture of your pup in your son's bed sounds like something my husband and I would do. My husband and I have to agree with you people are seriously lacking manners today drives me batty!

    Happpy Holidays!

  6. I think we have all been through the Santa visit thing, adn it looks like you lassoed it head-on!
    Great post.
    Happy Monday.

  7. Bravo and Merry Christmas to YOU!! Everyone in America should read this post!! Love seeing a picture of you and your little ones!!
    Fun Post,
    Merry Christmas,

  8. Rebecca,
    Thank-you for such wise and valuable tips on being nice.

    Just last week a gentleman next to me brought his coffee to our school holiday concert and left his trash. I said, See, now Santa, that is "naughty." I felt like chasing after that man and telling him, "Excuse me Sir, Is this yours?" Some people really are so inconsiderate and thoughtless.

    The illustration I posted was a commission. Come back and read my client's comment posted below.
    Happy Holidays, wishing you everything nice!

  9. Thank you very much! I know some people who need to read this post!!! Totally agree.....especially the cell phone thing. Can't it wait?

  10. Your dog is BEAUTIFUL and how funny are you guys sending your son that pic!?

  11. Hi Rebecca,
    One of my office mates reads your blog and directed me to this post. We talk about this all the time- the people that is that are constanly checking their email,texts or answering calls. It really os the most annoying and insulting thing to have to be held hostage by others VERY bad manners!

    Thanks for making such a hot topic funny. I'm your newest devoted reader.

  12. Love the photos from
    your archives! I have a
    senior this year and am
    already thinking ahead to
    next year when she comes
    home from college for the
    first time. Luckily, my baby
    is only 14, so I have him for
    a few more years : )

    Great tips, too ~

    xo Suzanne


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